How To Get Sponsered By Volcam

... DO NOT use the POV and how to fuck dog

Ogni tanto mi chiedo in cosa caspita consista il mestiere dell'editor. Mah.

Riferendoci al post precedente, vediamo come si poteva POV manage the final stage to enhance the involvement of the reader. It was easy: Just leave the POV on Baron and move from there. The original song is this:

Baron threw himself on a servant with a shrill cry. There was a brief struggle, then a shot and a body fell to the ground.

A black figure, perched on a branch, watching the scene. V ********* shouted and shook the body of the Baron, to no avail. Already his blood smeared over the bridge and the rain washed it away.
"Our Lady, I did! Mr. Baron, "From the castle were
lanterns, lights, dark figures like insects that were busy on deck. The creature had a strange to like punishment, there was another flash in the woods, but the
black silhouette was gone.

Meanwhile, well, 'there was a brief struggle does not mean anything. There are only two: either you author pictures the scene, and then you've already made the effort even put in writing what you imagined, or can not imagine the scene, and then What the hell are you writing, something that does not even know you ?

Baron threw himself on a servant with a snarl. He grabbed his left the barrel of the rifle with his right hand and tried to grab her throat, but that he jumped back. The Baron felt in my ears the sound of a gunshot, a cloud of acrid smoke blinded him and then came the pain in your gut, like a hammer blow. He felt his strength fail him and he fell on his knees, then lying on his back while his head hit the boards hard in the deck. Something warm and slimy flowed under the hands, pressed on the abdomen.
Baron tried to scream, but only came out a gasp. V *********,'s face twisted and wet with rain, was bending over him.
"Our Lady, I did! Mr. Baron, "whimpered.
Baron felt the taste of blood in his mouth. Then he saw her behind the head of V *********. A black figure, perched on a branch, seemed to observe the scene. Baron closed his eyes and opened them. Dal castello venivano le lanterne, insetti luminosi che sciamavano sul ponte. Il Barone sentì un verso venire dall'alto sopra gli alberi, come un lamento. Un lampo, e la creatura nera non c'era più.
Un brivido di freddo, uno spasmo in tutto il corpo, e il Barone esalò il respiro.

Di certo si può fare di più, ma a me sembra che così sia già meglio. O no?