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slump certainties

Last night I was having dinner with a friend who is the publisher as a second job. Like all publishers receive tons of manuscripts that friend, and recounted seeing much worse than the legendary Ancess Keys of Fate . He also said that if there's in libreria delle porcherie spesso non è per mancanza di buona volontà da parte degli editor, ma proprio per mancanza di capacità degli stessi. Lui dice: "se ti sembrano brutti quando arrivano in libreria, non hai idea di come sono quando arrivano davanti all'editor." Ok, ma questo non è un discorso. È come dire: "è arrivato in ospedale che stava morendo di colera, di tifo e di peste e dopo una settimana di cure è morto, ma solo di colera." E poi, se sono così schifosi in partenza - ancora di più di quando vengono pubblicati - perché vengono pubblicati?

Ora, io non sono fra quelle anime belle che sostengono che in editoria lavorano solo grandi professionisti, così, perché sì. On the contrary, I have no reason to believe that the professionalism in that field is higher than the national average, which is very low for my taste. But to think that someone who works in Newton & Compton may have mistaken for something decent like a total disgrace The Prophecy Arsalon is really over, it's like a plumber who exchanges a broomstick for a tube of 3 / 4 or a doctor who exchanges a sinusitis cutting a wound to the foot.

I figured the editor Francesca Mancini opened the manuscript (as he arrived on his desk does not know and do not want to know, but I find it hard to imagine it: beginning with R). I saw her sigh and put her hands in her hair to first row, and then recover with the knowledge that so much shit in the round like that could not be anything good cavarci even working on it every day for ten years. I figured I've just placed punctuation (spaces after the commas that go and not before) and cazzatine like that, and then cut, cut the parts written especially beyond disgusting that so much to get their hands in vain and we delete earned only.

But no, according to my friend it is likely that Mrs. Francesca Mancini has worked on for us really hard, and that he has sent to press when he thought it would become a great novel, perhaps far from feeling good ' beginning.

Frankly, I do not know what to believe.

What do you think?

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[...] When the publisher came to me asking to republish the book, I am careful not to lose his hands. The book is completely rewritten by myself, I have not edited in any way to listen to advice from readers and professionals more or less experts in the field, I have not worked for mica months full time, nor have I requested any help. This

above trying to make the sarcastic is - needless to say - the fantasy of an Italian author whose novel was first published by a very small and then by another much more important. So let's see the result of a gigantic work of rewriting so with the support of fine professionals. What follows is the beginning, as usual evaluated according to the dual track of fantasy and science fiction.

bone dice were thrown. Arthritic fingers of blind probing them one by one.

Fiction: passive forms should be avoided like the plague, because they embody the timidity of the writer. Nothing is just as incisive writing a sentence that uses the passive voice. Yes ok, somewhere can run, but this is the first sentence of the novel . This is beginning to undermine our that "In a very pale and hazy sky "which I have already spoken in Trilogy and other misfortunes.

Fantasy : writing in this despicable way the author of which I speak in the link he won the Italy for the 2007 Fantasy, why the big way!

"How did you say your name, son?"

Yes son, tell it to us, because when you said for the first time the novel had not yet begun.

" G ****.»
"What?" Have patience, my ears are so tired. "

Yeah, we fantasy readers: it is better to be safe.

'G ****.»
"So G ****, what do you see that?"

Fantasy: three times in four lines, great. Gentlemen, here we are facing is not usual artistucolo presumptuous, but a Grand Master Craftsman of the word is well aware of writing for the severely retarded and is not ashamed to take a narrative technique appropriate to the audience.

Fiction: the sixth row and we are already starting to get bored.

"I do not know ... My future. "
" Ah, your future, "he grinned M ****. "Tonight you will sleep here at the hostel. A restless sleep, I would say ... "
" This I could guess too. Not what I meant. "
" How? "
" I did not mean the future tonight. "
" Tomorrow morning you wake up with a full bladder. "
" You're taking the piss? "
" Not at all young man. I'm seeing your future. I see a latrine. "
" You're taking the piss. "
" You're wrong. "
" Am I wrong? You say I'm wrong ... And then ... If you now ... And if you now ... "[Great dialogue. You see, the work of true professionals?]
"And now what if?"
"And now if I were to make the bully? So I do not anything could happen, now that a sleep here safely. "
[And you a little 'how the fuck you think ...]
"A restless sleep," said the old woman. "But you do not have a point."
"Are you serious?"
"Listen, dear son, I'm blind and decrepit. I still have three teeth in his mouth. And they are also pretty dull. "
The young man shook his chair. Then he turned abruptly to B *****.
"And what do you want? It is a piece that you sit here and listened. Go to work, nosy, "
Caught in the act, the landlord went off in a hurry. Who would have thought that this young man was so insolent. It will be the fault of old, he told B *****. Basically it was taking the piss.

Fiction : fino all'oste il POV non si sa di chi sia, poi con un bel salto andiamo dentro alla sua testa a sentire i suoi pensieri. Segue qualche pagina dove l'oste rimprovera il cognato stereotipo dell'ubriacone. A quel punto sto già cantando l' Aria della Regina della Notte da Il Flauto Magico di Mozart a sbadigli .

Fantasy : un ottimo libro da leggere sotto l'ombrellone quando avrete finito l'elenco del telefono di Tokyo.

Alla prossima.

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... DO NOT use the POV and how to fuck dog

Ogni tanto mi chiedo in cosa caspita consista il mestiere dell'editor. Mah.

Riferendoci al post precedente, vediamo come si poteva POV manage the final stage to enhance the involvement of the reader. It was easy: Just leave the POV on Baron and move from there. The original song is this:

Baron threw himself on a servant with a shrill cry. There was a brief struggle, then a shot and a body fell to the ground.

A black figure, perched on a branch, watching the scene. V ********* shouted and shook the body of the Baron, to no avail. Already his blood smeared over the bridge and the rain washed it away.
"Our Lady, I did! Mr. Baron, "From the castle were
lanterns, lights, dark figures like insects that were busy on deck. The creature had a strange to like punishment, there was another flash in the woods, but the
black silhouette was gone.

Meanwhile, well, 'there was a brief struggle does not mean anything. There are only two: either you author pictures the scene, and then you've already made the effort even put in writing what you imagined, or can not imagine the scene, and then What the hell are you writing, something that does not even know you ?

Baron threw himself on a servant with a snarl. He grabbed his left the barrel of the rifle with his right hand and tried to grab her throat, but that he jumped back. The Baron felt in my ears the sound of a gunshot, a cloud of acrid smoke blinded him and then came the pain in your gut, like a hammer blow. He felt his strength fail him and he fell on his knees, then lying on his back while his head hit the boards hard in the deck. Something warm and slimy flowed under the hands, pressed on the abdomen.
Baron tried to scream, but only came out a gasp. V *********,'s face twisted and wet with rain, was bending over him.
"Our Lady, I did! Mr. Baron, "whimpered.
Baron felt the taste of blood in his mouth. Then he saw her behind the head of V *********. A black figure, perched on a branch, seemed to observe the scene. Baron closed his eyes and opened them. Dal castello venivano le lanterne, insetti luminosi che sciamavano sul ponte. Il Barone sentì un verso venire dall'alto sopra gli alberi, come un lamento. Un lampo, e la creatura nera non c'era più.
Un brivido di freddo, uno spasmo in tutto il corpo, e il Barone esalò il respiro.

Di certo si può fare di più, ma a me sembra che così sia già meglio. O no?

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Practical manuals: how to use the POV to fucking your dog

Come promesso, comincia oggi una serie di esempi su come NON si scrive narrativa e quindi per contrasto su come si scrive fantasy. Questa prima scheda riguarda il POV (Point Of View, punto di vista).

Il M********* arrivò nel Ducato A ******** an autumn night, the first to notice it was the Baron S **********.
Baron S ********** T ******* was a big man whose big chin whiskers topped by blacks gave him something of the walrus and something Orange. The noble dressed in black corduroy, a plumed hat, the belt a couple of rifles: more than a nobleman looked like a bandit, who meet at night in a farmer would have died of fright.
That night, as usual, went for wine cellars and taverns late and just now he came home on the back of Urri, his white horse.
It took a lot of courage to go around at that hour, in one night when it seemed that God had begun to cry for all the sins of the world. It was raining that heavy rain that turns the edges of things, the stems of old vines seemed to lean in the cold to count the bones of the feet.

The above is the beginning of the first chapter of a fantasy novel published by a leading Italian publisher. It is clear that the author has chosen as point of view (which was always aware of the concept) that of the Omniscient Narrator, because it is a bit 'difficult Baron thinks of himself as an orangutan. In the narrative of the Omniscient Narrator is a bad choice (that is to say that fantasy is good), so instead of dragging the reader into la storia l'effetto è che il Narratore va a trovare il Lettore al Cottolengo a casa sua. E' la scelta più facile per l'autore, che non deve sbattersi per accompagnare il Lettore alla scoperta delle informazioni utili. Nel caso del fantasy il Lettore non è in grado di trovare il proprio sfintere nemmeno con il manuale di istruzioni, per cui inserire più volte il POV del Narratore Onniscente per spiegare i passaggi salienti è di fatto una scelta obbligata.

L’effetto dell’alcol si era già dissolto nel gelo e il Barone malediceva il suo cattivo sangue, che lo aveva costretto a uscire per soddisfare il gusto del vino e della buona compagnia. Tutto ciò che desiderava adesso era entrare nel building, get rid of the coat wet and be served a roast mutton with a little 'of boiled beans. The lights of the castle had become close, and seized with a fit of impatience spurred his horse, Baron.

Here, above the POV is passed to the Baron. We remain firmly stuck for nearly six pages, until ...

Baron threw himself on a servant with a shrill cry. There was a brief struggle, then a shot and a body fell to the ground.

Suddenly the POV is no longer the Baron, because for him as he falls to the ground can not be simply a body, or is it him or is the servant, who, from his point of view is not quite the same thing. For the same reason, the POV is not that of a servant. Nor is the Omniscient Narrator, because he knows that everyone should also know who is falling to the ground. Suddenly the POV and then became that of a neutral camera also put a bit 'away in the dark, he sees and does not see much and there can not say. Then there is a blank line and bounces back with:

A black figure, perched on a branch, watching the scene.

Above the POV is it? Perhaps that is still neutral camera, because no one seems to notice the creature on the branch. The phrase would seem to herald the fact that the POV is switched to that of the creature itself, but then the following:

V ********* shouted and shook the body of the Baron, to no avail. Already his blood smeared over the bridge and the rain washed it away.
"Our Lady, I did! Mr. Baron, "

Above the POV seems the servant (or at least back the Narrator), because the creature can not know what it's called the servant (or even knows the camera neutral).

From the castle were the lanterns, lights, dark figures like insects that were busy on deck.

Above the POV could be anyone.

The creature had a strange verse, as a penalty, there was another flash in the woods, but the black shape was not more.

Here again it is not known. Not that the creature nor the other characters, because no one ever seems to have noticed his presence. The Omniscient Narrator does not see things disappear, so the camera should be back neutral.

At this point I think what it means to use the POV fucking dog can be clear to everyone, and I would say then that's all for today.

the next.

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Fantasy Fiction

Shrimp if they had already noticed months ago: The fantasy novel does not belong to literature. He wrote about the silence of Lenth:

[...] I confess my inability fully understand this new form of entertainment vaguely similar to the narrative.

Every so often a writer asks me an opinion about his works, but I realize that my assessment tools are now no longer appropriate as they are linked to the old idea of \u200b\u200bfantasy as genre fiction, and not as a separate entity that has the everything from what we mean by writing. Do not be fooled by the fact that the fantasy is sold in bookstores just as the narrative, since it is sold in bookstores now a bit 'of everything from coffee mugs to the plush dolls. More curious is the fact that the fantasy continues to be produced by publishers of fiction, but then also the Yamaha factory both motociclette quanto tastiere musicali. Certo la somiglianza si ferma qui, perché mentre Yamaha produce buone motociclette e buoni strumenti musicali, accade invece che un editore come Newton & Compton pubblichi ottimi romanzi e ottimi saggi, ma schifezze fantasy ( schifezze fantasy quando il fantasy apparteneva ancora alla narrativa, ora solo fantasy ).

Una volta si diceva che per pubblicare è indispensabile essere raccomandati, ma c'è qualcosa che non mi torna. Statisticamente, tra i raccomandati ogni tanto dovrebbe capitare anche un autore decente, cosa che invece nel fantasy italiano non succede più. Forse allora essere raccomandati non basta, bisogna anche scrivere male, tant'è vero che autori che erano decenti sono peggiorati. Ogni tanto qualche autore protesta con me dicendo di non essere raccomandato e di essere stato pubblicato - dopo grande fatica - solo per i propri meriti. Vai a leggere, e scopri che i meriti consistono nell'aver scritto una rotonda porcheria. Forse non è più indispensabile essere raccomandati, ma in questo caso dovrete guadagnarvi la pubblicazione facendo davvero schifo.

Capire se il fantasy ha subìto questa evoluzione a causa del grave ritardo mentale del suo pubblico d'elezione o se sia piuttosto vero il reciproco è un po' come decidere se è nato prima l'uovo o la gallina, ma la cosa ci interessa solo fino a un certo punto. Ciò di cui è interessante prendere atto è il fatto che quelli che nella narrativa vengono considerati gravi errori, nel fantasy diventano invece indiscutibili elementi di pregio.

Vediamo quindi quali sono i punti fondamentali che distinguono queste due forme d' arte . Nei prossimi giorni poi, per ciascun punto, presenterò qualche esempio pratico con estratti presi da romanzi rilegati cartacei comparsi di recente sugli scaffali del reparto ritardo mentale fantasy delle nostre librerie.


Originalità

Narrativa : è in linea di massima ben vista, basta solo non esagerare.

Fantasy : anche qui è ben vista, ma il concetto di originalità enjoy the fantasy of the transitive property that if A = B and B = C then C = A. If, therefore, was the first original story that had as its protagonist a group formed by a young farmer, a magician, a dwarf, an elf and a warrior walk through half the world to go to break the butt to the Lord of Evil, then all same stories that are original, and if you do not understand a basic concept you are idiots.


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Narrative: Write what you know or inquire.

Fantasy: "I chose to write a fantasy because it is easier" (F. Ghirardi) Here, this is the right spirit. I like swords and knights + I do not want to study the Middle Ages = fantasy. not even have to squeeze really fantastic and magic, a couple of dreary spells equivalent to the handset is more than enough. Also put various humanoid races to fuck a dog in total defiance of natural selection is more than sufficient to classify all as fantasy.


Know how to write (here the story is long and complex)

Fiction: thinking that all that matters is to invent a story SUPERSTRAMEGAUAU! is the branding of amateurs. The interest that may give a story so much in history as the same as being told. Not talking about literary fiction where the interest is all in the beautiful writing, but to find a narrative technique that allows the story of his chances. Otherwise, it's a bit 'as if the making of a film would stop the script.

Writing a novel can not be the record of a sequence of events written in Italian, more or less comprehensible: the plot has to be done through images, feelings and emotions. When the author writes, must be concerned first of what will be the effect on the reader of the words he is using, why not just continue the story. Questo è il motivo fondamentale per cui si insiste tanto su concetti come show don’t tell e point of view : non si tratta di adeguarsi a una moda, ma di fare in modo che il lettore si possa calare nella scena con i cinque sensi e partecipare agli eventi.

Fantasy : le cose vanno spiegate per bene con l'intervento diretto del Narratore e ripetute più volte tramite riassunti periodici. Far piangere un personaggio non basta per far capire che è triste, dovete prendervi le vostre responsabilità di voce fuori campo e mettere nero su bianco Lahin piangeva disperata perché il suo cuore era gonfio di disperazione e di tristezza fin quasi a scoppiare . Allo stesso modo, explained before or after each dialogue that an average delay could already tell from the dialogue itself. Remember that writing for the severely retarded, not the simple average delays.

The style of writing therefore has no importance, just more or less understand. However, it is very much appreciated the mock courtly (you get to always put the adjective before the name) along with all the other tacky.

The dialogues are to be sickly, full of infodump and marked the rally from the baseline (knock, answer, knock, answer, ...). It is good that the characters all speak in the same way elevated, the Adviser to the King swineherd alcoholic. Very important to abound with gerundi in coda ai dialoghi, che altrimenti rischierebbero di risultare un minimo incisivi con l'effetto di turbare la mente impressionabile del lettore.

Il POV non dovete nemmeno sapere cos'è, perché se mai il concetto dovesse inquinare il vostro bagaglio di incompetenze, come scrittori fantasy per voi sarebbe la fine. Il vero scrittore fantasy si riconosce soprattutto dall'uso del POV a cazzo di cane, che è molto difficile da simulare.

*****

Direi che per oggi ce n'è abbastanza, ci rivediamo la prossima volta con qualche esempio. Non metterò titoli né nomi, perché ho sempre paura che poi qualche dannato coprofilo vada a comprarseli per non darla vinta a me.